The diary of 2 years of words unspoken
Dear Perth
When I first step foot on your lands the air was crisp and cool and beautiful. I stayed in a dodgy room in a place called Currie Hall and had the worst lunch of my life there. Later in the city, I was scared to pay at the cashier because there was a actual white person and I had never actually conversed with one properly before. I was scared when I walked into orientation and saw unfamiliar faces. Then I met my first friend. And my second. And my third. And fourth. Then, my mum cried. I cried. She left. My sister cried. She left. I cried. And then I met my fifth friend. I stopped crying.
I started talking animatedly to the cashiers I encountered. I started smiling at every person of every race and begin talking to all. I wanted to know who these people were, and how they were like. I found a friend that had a “!” in his name. I found another friend that looked like Akon. I found another that looked like Brad Pitt and Matt Damon’s lovechild. I even found one that resembled Jay Chou. I realised that all of us were the same, we just came from different places in the world. Everything was perfect. The air was still crisp and cool and smelt like a breath of stolen holidays.
I got drunk for the first time. I got afraid of the parties. I made mistakes. I loved, and then I hated. I started crying again. I had a nervous crush that I never told anyone about. The air now had a stench of sweat. I grew closer to two friends. I studied. I got nervous. I passed. I was relieved.
Crushes changed. He was the wrong person to like. He was complicated and a raging alcoholic. He smoked. He was wrong. He wasn’t fussed about my egging on. Then I went on my first holiday without my family. We fell madly in love together. Just when I thought I would never feel love running through my fingertips again. He wasn’t a raging alcoholic. Neither was he complicated. Semester after semester passed. I cried every time I was about to leave to go back to find you, Perth. You made me stay away from my family, and I always hated you for that.
Dramas continued. Friends left. Some left for good, some left because I didn’t want to be with them anymore. People started turning against each other. Everyone had something bad to say about somebody else. It made me sick to my stomach, even more so because I was caught up with it too. I knew I had to leave. The first three friends I made that made my life perfect became friends that made use of me. My love was contested. I betrayed my feelings. I met new friends that were real. Then I woke up from being a mess.
My love stayed. I moved out of Currie Hall and found an apartment and a new friend. We made fast friends. I tried to stop judging. I learnt how to pay for electricity bills and rent. I learnt how to scrub a toilet. And the wonders of bleach and how to exterminate maggots. It was marvellous for awhile. People got hurt again. More petty fights. Love almost lost. I bit my lip. Exams came. I got nervous. And then it became all alright.
Last time I came back, the air still had that stench of sweat. There was apprehension in the air. I was awkward being back but not sorry about the friends I lost, because I had to grow up, and the ones that didn’t had to get left behind. I thought I’d be lonely. I wasn’t. It was weird for just a while. I didn’t feel appreciated. But then I realised that maybe it was because they weren’t feeling appreciated. I untangled myself from the mess. I stopped judging. I began believing. As the months went by, the air became crisp and cool again. Of friends lost, of friends gained, of love continued and of all the drama - an order ensued. I learnt how to adapt in chaos. I smiled through my times. I loved more than ever. My new friends gave me support, held onto me whenever I was going to fall. I was the happiest I had ever been.
I’m leaving, Perth, for good this time, and in the span of 2 years you have taught me more than I would have bargained for. I grew up.
I haven’t spent long enough with you to know how you are exactly, but I would consider myself changed from your beautiful pace of life, non-judging eyes and the occasional thumbs up I receive from your locals. Thanks for the memories… and I will leave just like how I came - with just a bit of water in my eyes. Goodbye :’-)
